Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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