I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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