Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
