I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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