Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
