Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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