can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How external is "for external use only"?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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