God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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