guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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