i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
