Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
