oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
