Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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