I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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