What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dicks are not precious.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize