i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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