Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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