She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
