i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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