Having a random hookup so left but love u
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
