So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
