The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
