K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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