so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
