she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
