who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
