You're completely useless in the revolution.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
