cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
