So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
