Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
