I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
