Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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