Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
