I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize