I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
