Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just cut my nipple shaving
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
