Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize