like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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