omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize