so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
