I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
