no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
