i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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