he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
is it fun? or sober?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize