YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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