More tranny stories later!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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