my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
