Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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