I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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