Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
