i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I cut my penus on the lid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
