I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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