I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
