I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
