In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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