I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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