thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
