and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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