Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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