i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
