She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she looked like the before picture.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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