omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
