ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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