My liver just broke up with me...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
