He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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