So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
