So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
