just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
