we're chasing vodka with high fives
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
