The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
should my penis look like a turkey
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
